Types of leftists

My fellow Brisbane blogger Leon Bertrand has had a stab at classifying Leftists -- which I reproduce with his permission below:

In the last eight years of my life I have encountered many leftists, from my year 12 English teacher to the left-wing mafia on the blogosphere and all the different left-wingers in between. Because I went to university for six years, in left-wing faculties, and was actively involved in fighting the left in student politics, I have, in my few years, become familiar with the different types of leftists.

Of course, this little guide to lefties is not intended to be exhaustive: undoubtedly there are many leftists who are hybrids of some of the types described here, and there are also some who wouldn't fit into any category. Nevertheless, this is an attempt to identify the varieties of leftists which exist in terms of their psychology, behaviours, hypocrisies, absurdities, motives and beliefs.





Naturally, I do not apologise for any offence caused, because this little ditty wouldn't be entertaining if it didn't describe with such frankness, clarity and lack of diplomacy.

The Scuppy. The trendy and wealthy type of leftist, otherwise known as “latte left” or “Chardonnay socialist”. Called scuppies because they are allegedly half-yuppie (even though some have children) and half-hippy. These types are more materialistic and fashionable than most other members of society, but at the same time oppose the capitalist system which provides them with all the luxuries they enjoy. They differentiate themselves from the rest of society with (usually expensive) trendy and alternative consumer choices, such as solar panels, organic food and Fairtrade coffee. As Andrew Bolt pointed out recently, “they care about the environment, but it’s a care manifested more by a seeming than a doing”. It could be said that these types are ‘left in name only’.
Examples: Heather Mills, Al Gore, Elle McPherson, Barack Obama.
Groupthink score: high
Hypocrisy score: extremely high
Extremism score: moderate
Totalitarian tendencies: low

The artist. This category covers the majority of performers and artists, whether they paint, star in Hollywood films or perform in plays. These people tend to think and vote left because they are highly emotional people, whose view of the world involves far more wishful idealism than rational analysis. As a result, they support socialistic policies because they yearn for equality between humans, which capitalism does not achieve. They also support social freedoms and believe in primarily compassionate immigration policies. Some journalists and commentators also fit into this category.
Examples: George Clooney, Leonardo DiCaprio, Cate Blanchett, Hugh Jackman, Daniel Johns, Bernard Fanning, Peter Garrett.
Groupthink score: extremely high (almost total)
Hypocrisy score: high
Extremism score: moderate
Totalitarian tendencies: low

The professional. These types of leftists populate the professional occupations, particularly academia, school teaching, the media and the law. They nearly always think of themselves as more enlightened than the rest of society because of their education and their progressive views. Many of them also are found on the blogosphere. These types tend to be well-informed on many issues, but intensely dislike those who disagree with them. This often manifests itself in conservatives achieving lower grades at university, and the banning of right-wingers on blogs. Whilst they are wise enough to have abandoned raw socialism, they still believe in economically destructive progressive policies such as inflexible labour markets, protectionism and the nationalisation of industries. Female members of this group are often strident feminists, who believe in affirmative action, women getting the majority of property settlements after marriage, oppose joint custody and want to have paid maternity leave forced upon taxpayers and employers. Members of this group also strongly oppose mandatory detention of asylum-seekers, and continually moan about the ALP not being left-wing enough. Most of the infamous ‘Howard haters’ belong to this group. They often confuse their right to free speech with the denial of the same rights to others.
Examples: Jeremy Sear, Larvatus Prodeo, Ken Lovell, Robert Manne, David Marr, Julian Burnside.
Groupthink score: high
Hypocrisy score: moderate
Extremism score: moderate
Totalitarian tendencies: moderate to high

The subversive. These types are often found still at university campuses. Usually part-time students or ex-students, they are characterized by their desire to overthrow the current capitalist order in favour of hard core socialism, anarchism or some extreme variant. Interestingly, most of them seem to come from wealthy middle-class families and expensive private schools, even though they stand for the abolition of all privileges. They also tend to eat at McDonald’s, Baskin n Robbins etc and drink coffee and soft drinks from multinationals. Many of them are psychotically violent, and aim to cause maximum disruption and violence towards people and property at major protests, such as the G-20 and APEC. They tend to belong to ultra left groups such as Socialist Alternative and the Socialist Alliance, where there are very high levels of radicalism and extremism. Most of them are socially inept and have been bullied at their private schools. Their capacity for reasoning or examining the facts carefully is usually non-existent. Their hatred towards those who shows contempt for their views is visceral, and they think of moderates and right-wingers as fascists, regressive, homophobes and racists.
Examples: Paul Coats, Paul Hood, Paul Jacobs, Cindy Sheehan.
Groupthink score: extremely high (usually total)
Hypocrisy score: high
Extremism score: extremely high.
Totalitarian tendencies: extremely high

The hippie. There are some lefties who very much mind their own businesses, don’t engage in violence, eat organic vegetarian food and sometimes smoke marijuana. When they participate in protests, they do so peacefully. Not as prominent as other lefties because their activity levels tend to be low. Nevertheless, they do have a strong desire to protect the environment, including fauna.
Examples: these types are too peaceful and quiet to ever become famous.
Groupthink score: high
Hypocrisy score: low
Extremism score: high.
Totalitarian tendencies: low

The Christian lefty. Unlike most other lefties, who tend to be non-believers or spiritually non-aligned, these types go to church, pray, etc, but support female priests, gay Catholics, etc. They are also strongly in favour of multiculturalism and very compassionate immigration policies, believing that Australians should ‘open their hearts’ (and their wallets) and embrace those wanting to come to Australia and live a better life. As Peter Saunders has pointed out, most employees in the Job Network charities fit this category, hence their occasional soft approach on non-compliant job-seekers. They strongly believe in kindness and compassion towards all, in many cases because they are too weak to hate or seek revenge.
Examples: Michael Kirby, Rowan Williams.
Groupthink score: high
Hypocrisy score: low
Extremism score: moderate.
Totalitarian tendencies: low

The Labor hack. This type tends to join the Labor Party soon after graduating from High School before working for an MP, a Senator or a trade union, and from there hoping to get elected to parliament themselves or becoming union bosses. Many of them are sneaky and determined people, intent on exploiting the webs of patronage, dynasties, alliances and affirmative action which exist in the ALP. Most of these types are primarily motivated by desires for power and social prestige, with the principles of their party nearly always taking a backseat. As a result, many of them tend to wax lyrical about the rights and dignity of employees, whilst not treating the employees they come into contact with very well at all. Whilst believing in equality, “social justice” and fairness, they usually boot-lick powerful people and look down on ordinary people. Often not very interested in ideas or policy at all.
Examples: Belinda Neal, John Della Bosca, Judy Spence, Doug Cameron, John Robertson.
Groupthink score: high
Hypocrisy score: high
Extremism score: low
Totalitarian tendencies: low

The Whitlamite. These types of lefties are usually from the ‘baby boom’, generation, where they protested for free love, gay rights, native title etc. Often they belonged to radical political groups and clashed with police officers in their youths, but have now moderated a little. Nevertheless, they still look back on the 1960’s and 1970’s with some nostalgia and still believe in what they were fighting for then. Naturally, these types consider the Whitlam government to be the best government Australia ever had, in spite of its poor economic management, and they yearn for the ALP to return to the agenda of that era. They hold Swedish socialism at the ideal, and want Australia to move in that direction.
Examples: Phillip Adams, John Cain, Gough Whitlam, Kim Carr.
Groupthink score: moderate
Hypocrisy score: low
Extremism score: moderate
Totalitarian tendencies: low

The Environmentalist. Like the subversive, this one is a fanatic with a psychotic temperament. Extreme animal rights activists fit this category. These types also resort to extreme methods, such as the committing of violent acts and criminal offences in order to further their ends. Many of them tend to be truthers, and sympathise with communism and other extreme ideologies.
Examples: You know who they are.
Groupthink score: very high
Hypocrisy score: low
Extremism score: very high
Totalitarian tendencies: very high


Legal disclaimer: The author does not consider that all examples of people necessarily fit every single characteristic of the type of leftist they have been listed as. Furthermore, this post is intended for comedy and entertainment only, and should therefore not be taken as a precise representation of the truth, or as a libelous post.

Posted by John Ray.



1 comment:

  1. I wondered why I didn't know many of the names listed, but that's not hard to understand as the only Australian I ever knew reasonably well was a warrant officer in the Australian Army and Australian Politicians don't usually show up on the nightly news in the USA.

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