Saddam Writes Poetry?

Mass murdering dictators can have good taste in snack items. The brute likes Doritos.

Who knew?

Unfortunately, any sympathy he might have gotten from me by sharing my favorite junk food obsession, he relinquished by calling Dan Rather "a good guy."

But also, Saddam apparently likes to relax in prison by writing poetry among other things. i'm terribly curious to read his poetry, but i imagine it will be a long time before i see any of it published.

So in the interim, i've written some poems that, while they were not written by the Butcher of Baghdad, i could imagine him having written some things very similar during a reflective moment behind bars.

haiku:

homburg on my head
twelve gauge at my hip goes POW!
good times, bro, good times...


You're like sons to me
so i give you this advice:
don't eat with wipe hand.



free verse:

not too smart
not too dumb
not too old
not too young
not too pretty
not too skank
find such a girl
no need to wank



sonnet:

I wish I had a candle and a fine woman.
These finer things are meant for men like me.
Not meant for kurd-man, shiite or the jew-man,
whom i buried in mass graves o’er by that tree.
You understand what women give to me,
but wherefor say I candle? Do you ask?
To know how waxen tapers meet my need,
picture me, Uday, and my friend monsieur Jacques.
T’was many years ago, on a debauch
in London’s town or was it Amsterdam’s?
We caught a sex show -- wonderment to watch.
This chick had knockers like two great big hams.
Now what I’m ‘bout to tell you, keep hush-hush.
She did things with that candle made me blush.




Commenters to my site have contributed a few more gems:

Shredders, gang rape and mass graves
Think of it all
In the crumbs of Doritos


When my life is filmed,
I want to be portrayed by
Joe Don Baker. Yeah.


Mesopotamia
with me it was united
for a brief moment


As I watch you die
I munch a tasty corn treat
Mmmmmmm life is so fine


Kids. You do your best
They grow up so mean, so fast
Misunderstood pranks


Hitler liked puppies.
Me, I like the Doritos,
Froot Loops, not so much


U.S. Media
does me a great favor,
humanizes me


smart bush very bad
dumb bush very very bad
Laura Bush just right.


Though bars blind me now
I dream of the Euphrates
Next year flows my blood.

Alan at The Command Post held a contest last year on this very theme.

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